Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
