The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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