Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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