She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
