So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
