hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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