ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
