I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
