marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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