after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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