if you like me you must not know who I am
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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