I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
