I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
