My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
