You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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