i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
