He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
