i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I will be naked everywhere
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
