I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
