I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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