I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
