Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
