I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
