Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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