I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
