one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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