Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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