I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
