I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I love you. Go after that dick
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
