she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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