I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
4 words: hood of his car
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Who died my cat blue again?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
