SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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