it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
