It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
