I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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