she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So vagazzling was a success
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
