your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
