I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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