if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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