Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Another day, another engagement, another cat
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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