My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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