i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
