Life is so much better after having sex.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
