Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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