Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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