I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
