And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she looked like the before picture.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
