Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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