; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
