gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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