Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
