Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
