i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
