someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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