ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
