Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
