he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
