whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
