i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
