a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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