i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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