Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
