You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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