I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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