I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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